Sunday, 5 June 2016

Friendship | Sheen Speaks

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all well and enjoying the weekend! Here in London we finally have some sunshine…!

Today I wanted to talk about Friendship. I’m at that stage in life where I’ve completed my studies (for now…) and trying to find my place in this world. During these times it’s inevitable that one would look back and reflect on the ups and downs of the past and remember those who were present, and wonder about those who were absent. I remember back during the school days when we believed that once you had become friends with someone, it was a relationship that would last an eternity. You could become best friends in an instant and bond over the smallest and minute of things. As I’ve grown older, I slowly realised that this was not always the case. The days of easily making friends and building bonds were passing by rather swiftly. Over time, friends and relationships changed, but not always for the better. So, I thought I’d bring you a post today based on friendship. Below I have highlighted a few qualities that you can expect from a good friendship and also certain things which could potentially bring to light a toxic friendship.

Friendship bands


Mutual respect and understanding

There are many different types of people in this world. Some you click with and some you don’t. One thing I would say about being friends with someone, is to be yourself. A friendship must feel comfortable and be honest. The beautiful thing about friendship is the understanding which is present. Friends don’t always agree; they’re not expected to. For instance you can have different tastes and opinions but there needs to be a mutual respect and understanding. I personally think that it’s wonderful when people who do not have the exact same opinion about things are friends because it brings an element of interest to the table and an opportunity to see things from a different angle.
Please bear in mind that, a difference in opinion is no reason for someone to belittle you or make you feel bad. Remember, no one has the right to mistreat you or make you feel low about yourself. If this is happening, you are entering the grounds of toxic friendship.

Communication

A beautiful aspect of friendship is having someone who you can speak to with an open heart; someone who you can confide in. If you fear that a friend would gossip about you or speak ill of you in your absence, then this is a friendship that needs re-evaluation. A friend is someone who has your best interest at heart and would be loyal in your presence and absence.
  

Not just a mere option…

Friends are people who you make memories with. You share jokes, humour, stories and spend time with each other finding happiness in the smallest of things and enjoying the company.
If you find that a ‘friend’ only contacts you during the times of problems but excludes you when things are good, then it is possible that you are being used. Do not let people simply make you an option. You’re worth more than that. 

I can say from personal experience that I have been in a situation whereby a friend only knew me when they wanted to vent about something or when they were upset. But in their good times, they wouldn’t know me. They would go out and have fun but not include me to join them during their moments of happiness. It felt as though I was placed on the back burner. A second rate friend. I also soon realised that when I needed them, they would not make even the shortest amount of time for me (and I knew they were not ‘busy’ people). There were no words of comfort, not even a quick call to see if everything was ok.

If you have found yourself in a similar situation, the first step would be to reach out and communicate with your friend. There is a chance, perhaps, that they hurt you unintentionally. But if you find that this does not work, you can see there really isn’t much in this ‘friendship’ (if you can even call it that). 

So, there comes a time where you then have to realise that you are worth more and deserve to be treated well. You have to make a decision. Either continue to be mistreated, or put yourself first and decide that it is time for you to move on to better things and find better friends. Remember, nobody is indispensable. There are over 7 billion people in this world. So don’t be afraid to let go of a toxic friendship. Only by letting go and being true to yourself, will you find the time and energy to truly move on. Please note, this is not to say that you have to be mean to your ‘toxic friends’ or have a fight with them. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to put energy into something so negative. It’s really not worth it. You can move on amicably and know in your heart that these are not the people who have your best interest at heart and probably not those who you want to associate with. It is time to move on to better things.

Reliability and Trust

Reliability is also an important aspect of friendship. The ability to turn to someone and be confident that they will be there for you, or atleast try, is indication of a strong bond. A good friend is someone who would make time for you, during the happy times and during those difficult moments in life. Something to be cautious of though, is if there is a sense of entitlement present. No one should expect others to always drop everything in life for them as we all have different responsibilities and commitments. If you find that a friend is expecting too much from you, for instance, always calls you last minute with the expectation that you have no other priorities in life or gets upset that you are not able to drop everything all the time and at the last minute to tend to them on trivial matters, then this could be indicative of a toxic friend. Yes, it’s true that friends should be reliable and someone you can depend on, but going back to the above point about understanding, they should also be considerate of you. 

Trust, the key to friendship. A friend is someone who you can put your trust in… even with those deep dark secrets. Trust ties in with the above qualities of friendship. A friend is someone you can be confident will ‘have your back’!!

On that note, I shall sign off and wish you well in your friendships!
Feel free to let me know your thoughts and share any tips with us all.

If there are any topics you would like to be covered in the #SheenSpeaks collection, please drop me a line!

Hope you all have an awesome week!!


Sheen xxx

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